I agree with damn near everything you said. The proverbial box of acceptable normalcy is getting ever so small. I find it ironic that the world can be as diverse as it is, yet equally as unaccepting. If a man isn't at least 6' tall, built like LL, and at least earning a legit 6 figure salary, he just isn't up to par. The pressure on women to "fit the mold" is just as great (if not greater). The sad part about the whole thing is that most of the criterion for "normal" are things that don't really matter. Either the world is filled with shallow people, or we're all just followers, waiting to be told what to do and how to do it.
Preach Brother, Very interesting outlook on the topic. Letting go of the B.S., I totally feel you on this. HOWEVER, I was wee bit upset with Kanye's comments regarding education. I thought it was irresponsible for him as a black man knowing how hard it was for African-Americans to receive a fair education in this "fine" country. But as a society there is always going to be one thing we hang onto, the one thing we can't let go. People like to think they are perfect and portray that image to others, but deep down inside ourselves we know it's a lie. So in essence, us keeping it real is us living a lie trying to make others and ourselves believe we are something we are not.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention Kanye's comments. I don't agree with his comments on education. You cannot replace the value of a college education...and I don't just mean from an academic standpoint. There are many lessons learned in college, and much growth happens. Don't believe it? Spend time with some people your age that didn't pursue higher education through college or armed forces or whatever.
Don't be a casuality of when Keepin' It Real goes wrong... sometimes our steadfast stubborness blinds us to the fact that we are making really stupid decisions.
It's OK to be "down" but realize while you still have the need to keep it real... keep it real low-key. No need to do something full of braggadocio.
Is the new phrase "Keep it funky"? I'm a closet viewer of College Hill on BET and that seems to be one of their overused phrases. Maybe it's just popular there. Anyway, I can definitely relate on the weight issue. Now, most people would perceive me as a thin girl (I proudly say that I'm 140 pounds). I don't have a problem with my weight, I just want to tone up. It's easier said than done though. They show those Bally's commercials where you can get in shape in 30 days. It's possible, but yo' ass will have to make the gym your job. As Kanye says "Work it out....Work it out".....for eight hours a damn day!
As for the education issue, I know a girl who refuses to end her college years. She's working on her Ph.D. but hasn't held a real job yet! No matter how much education she acquires, potential employers will not flock to her because she doesn't have any work experience. She once had a job offer, but turned it down. She now has a kid, but STILL refuses to get a job. "I got 5 Bachelor's degrees, 3 Master's and 2 Ph. D's, but my baby ain't got no milk!"
Okay, well I'm done ranting. I was just "keepin it real" by sharing some personal stories. Peace yall.
Great blog to read on this sunny (in Atanta) Friday afternoon. I believe everyone has insecurities, it is just a way of life.
#1 is very true and I say this because I am a victim of the appreance theory. However I workout to keep my body tight and my mind at peace. The appearance that I have now I still believe I am flyy as hell and can get any brother that walks by. However I would love to look better for myself. It isin't a lot....just my stomach. Not that I have a beer belly --because I don't---I just want a little definition.
#4 is sooooo freakin true--but not for all. Not everyone who joins a greek organization is there to stroll, party hop, and cause mental and emotional damage to the next group of wannabe's. At least not any who pledged while I was being born--- in 1982. Today....almost every member joined because they were losers in high school and saw that college was a new beginning; a new day. Those who pleged while I was in school didn't pledge because they want to do civic duty to the surrounding communities, not because the could help a insecure child at the local YMCA....but to look down on those who weren't accepted at rush. Pledging gave them a sense of worthyness, happiness, joy. And the sad part is that their true friends---who by the way aren't their line sisters or brothers (because they are sleeping with their man or girl)--- are left in the dust. No offense to the greek members that is just how I feel, but I do believe there are a small part who actually pledged to make a difference and not to gain the popularity they didn't have in highschool. To that small few.......you should be applauded.
Okay I got really wordy with this one...but hey I am bored at work....good blog.
Oh....education is always a great thing! I would wear my degree around my neck like Lil Jon wears his chains if I could. Just to show the ignorant non educationed white follk that blacks are not all the same as the see on TV.
I also think Kanye took things too far regarding education.
Do you think insecurities are primarily figments of own imaginations or justified (in a twisted sort of way)? I have noticed that I have become more insecure the older I get and the more I accomplish. I also see my insecurities being very closely related to the opposite sex. I NEVER used to trip off of them but now I am.
Anonymous, Why do you feel as though you are more insecure by the more you accomplish. Could it be that maybe you've reached certain expectations not knowing if you have what it takes to further succeed? And in what regards do they apply to the opposite sex?
I find myself questioning more. Like...Am I attractive enough?..Is there a genuine interest in me?...Am I sure we understand each other on this?...Do we have the same motives?
This may sound reasonable but I did not think like this previously. I do not ask these questions out loud but mentally I sabotage the relationship before it can become a relationship.
As far as the questions that you in the first paragraph, you have to think to yourself do they really matter?? Yes we obviously want to be in a relationship with someone who we think has a genuine interest and concern, however, that is not always the case. And are you willing to risk sabotaging something because of something that might not even be there. In my eyes, if you want to invest in something invest in it, you might now always get out of it what you want but be mindful and know that you put your best foot forward
I have some insecurities that have appeared as I have gotten older, and they have replaced the one's that I may have had when I was younger. But I think mine stem from a different place than Anonymous.
For example, I'm exactly where I thought I would be at this point in my life (give or take a few months). If you would have asked Pimp Hand Strong the senior in high school, where do you see yourself at 25, he would have given a description that isn't far from where I am (or am on my way to now). Strangely, there are some insecurities coming along with this, along with the confidence that my accomplishments have given me. Why? Because I feel like I'm bound to miss the mark eventually, and there is more at stake now. So I'm always asking myself (professionally, emotionally, relationship-wise) "Is what I'm doing good enough?" Pressured to always be as successful as I expect myself to be.
I thank ya'll for replying. i was outta town and i just got back this weekend. this was a topic i really felt i needed to touch. Lemme go further detail about Kanye. I commend the brother for his accomplishments but i do believe he struggles with his own insecurities. with his mother being a college professor, i am sure he has always felt "pressure" to fit a mold. the difference between him and me is that my parents never placed that pressure on me. i naturally had an inclination for academics. if anything I PLACED MORE PRESSURE ON MYSELF THAN ANY OUTSIDE FACTOR. i'm an optimist, idealist, aand perfectionist--LETHAL COMBINATION.
Kanye was blessed with artistic talents, but i am sure his mother felt he should have pursued more "academic" goals. so maybe his insecurities with education stem from the fact that he never achieved something his mother thought was more futile. I still love the brotha regardless.
nice blog and I must agree with you, your friend is a very good writing...I digging that style... now as for hiking up tuskeege hill...lmao...I know that pain, and that is one school in need of a damn trolley, hikin in the hot humid sun in not nice but regardless what am I'm talking about, I'm from colorado..all we have are hills and it sucks but its great for fierce legs. ...I agree with the keepin it real...so many people don't and that what I call a poser..funny cause everything he talks about I use to be that way when I was growing up but as I grew up in went through middle and high school a few traumatic events change my outlook on life and that's when I started living instead of tryin to "keep it real" so ....now I'm the realest out here... j/k..but you know...I just do me no gimmacks attached.
Great blog! I definately agree with you on many things.
When I was in college, I never saw any of our Black greeks do anything worthwhile, which is what turned me off from pledging. Rarely did you hear them doing community service or anything to uplift the Black community at the University. Basically they all just slept with each other and had parties. (In which the parties always ended in someone touching someones cane, someone throwing a sign in someones face, someone stepping in front of the line dance...which ALWAYS ended in fights!)
That was the best Therapy session ever, wew I feel good now.
So it's ok for me to be fat, I don't have the social life of Jamie Foxx, but I do ok.
It's ok for me to be a high school dropout, even though I will always regret missing out on campus life. I finally found a decent career as a Mortgage Consultant, and am on the way to make over $150,000 for this year, with not even a Diploma to show for it.
And the penis thing......................uh, let's say I won't be making pornos anytime soon, but maybe that's a good thing!
So many like minded folks in this world. I've had this discussion with many of my friends... particularly about greek-life to fit in and the importance of a degree (or 4).
In both situations... to me there's a combination of your college/university of choice as well as what you do with the networking. For myself... there were two Q's my freshie year and 2 Kappas, by the time I was a senior... no male greek life existed at all. Was it on my class to uphold this tradition? we didn't think so. I've got 5 black male friends who I would call my brother in any situation because we bonded on sports, majors, similar backgrounds... and social behavior. I wouldn't trade those guys for anything and we don't have to pay dues to show our appreciation for each other.
The male greeks on our campus also held a pretty bad reputation for preying on the younger, unsuspecting co-eds... every flock of freshmen girls was just a way for them to rewind their time-table and it was kinda just degrading as a black man to see this pattern repeated. What they do off campus or community-wise... personally I have no clue.
As for degrees... I've seen both ends of the scenario. Some get that bachelors degree and land a job right away or simply create their own opportunities with start-up businesses or manifesting a trade, while others are working on degree number 3 or 4 and have yet to find a job worth while with a sufficient starting salary. I think in today's age it's a combination of the luck of the draw and being able to seize the opportunities that are presented to you... I stress the importance of showing up to every potential interview on time and prepared to all of my job-seeking friends because you definitely don't want to miss that opportunity because the alarm clock was set to PM instead of AM and spend the next 10 years wondering 'what if'. I'm not against anyone spending that extra time in their parent's basement.. false flagging and flashy living with money is the number one cause of what I like to call broke-by-the-11th syndrome where that 2 week paycheck doesn't quite last long enuf to sustain you until the next one.
as for the body image... i like to think 11 years of football did me good :)
Nice blog. Anyone who says they don't have any insecurities about themselves is psychologically askew somehow or lying. Ever meet anyone who is just so cocky they are so in love with themselves? I have. They are annoying and exasperating.
No one is perfect. And, if one thinks they are, the mere belief that they think they are perfect reveals that they are flawed in their thinking with their delusions of grandeur.
I find myself harboring those same insecurities..which is why I've been working out 5 days a week to get that body like Ki Toy...
As far as school is concerned...definitely degrees are overrated when you have someone with a degree struggling the same as a person with a GED (myself), however, I do want a degree and eventually I will obtain one....as soon as I get a handle on being a single mother...
At times I'm insecure about that as well, I wonder, "I'm I being a good mom"...
Also, I look at other people's lives and see them better off than myself and that has a way at eating away at your security...
However, the first post I ever read from you helped me with that insecurtiy....
You said, that this is the life "THE CREATOR" made for me, or something to that effect...
I feel you, we all have our own roads to travel and just because someone else is well off doesn't mean they are happy...
Maybe they envy me because I am able to give life and they may be barren...
Everyone has their own list of insecurities, some of which we may look at and say, " Ain't nothing wrong with you"..but you never know a person until you have walked in their shoes....
As far as Kanye...education is very important and valuable, but there are some people who have a degree and are still dumb as a bag of hair...
A degree doesn't make you, but its what you do with that degree...some people don't have degrees and are very successful, but for me, I enjoy learning, so I should have a degree, right?
Besides, for a person who plans on working in "corporate AmeriKKKa" for the rest of their lives a degree will make the difference of $100,000 or not....
I agree with damn near everything you said. The proverbial box of acceptable normalcy is getting ever so small. I find it ironic that the world can be as diverse as it is, yet equally as unaccepting. If a man isn't at least 6' tall, built like LL, and at least earning a legit 6 figure salary, he just isn't up to par. The pressure on women to "fit the mold" is just as great (if not greater). The sad part about the whole thing is that most of the criterion for "normal" are things that don't really matter. Either the world is filled with shallow people, or we're all just followers, waiting to be told what to do and how to do it.
ReplyDeleteGreat blog. Interesting perspective.
Preach Brother,
ReplyDeleteVery interesting outlook on the topic. Letting go of the B.S., I totally feel you on this. HOWEVER, I was wee bit upset with Kanye's comments regarding education. I thought it was irresponsible for him as a black man knowing how hard it was for African-Americans to receive a fair education in this "fine" country.
But as a society there is always going to be one thing we hang onto, the one thing we can't let go. People like to think they are perfect and portray that image to others, but deep down inside ourselves we know it's a lie.
So in essence, us keeping it real is us living a lie trying to make others and ourselves believe we are something we are not.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention Kanye's comments. I don't agree with his comments on education. You cannot replace the value of a college education...and I don't just mean from an academic standpoint. There are many lessons learned in college, and much growth happens. Don't believe it? Spend time with some people your age that didn't pursue higher education through college or armed forces or whatever.
ReplyDeleteLeslie Lou - I agree wit chu!
ReplyDeleteSorry, that was lame, but I do, lol.
Don't be a casuality of when Keepin' It Real goes wrong... sometimes our steadfast stubborness blinds us to the fact that we are making really stupid decisions.
ReplyDeleteIt's OK to be "down" but realize while you still have the need to keep it real... keep it real low-key. No need to do something full of braggadocio.
Is the new phrase "Keep it funky"? I'm a closet viewer of College Hill on BET and that seems to be one of their overused phrases. Maybe it's just popular there. Anyway, I can definitely relate on the weight issue. Now, most people would perceive me as a thin girl (I proudly say that I'm 140 pounds). I don't have a problem with my weight, I just want to tone up. It's easier said than done though. They show those Bally's commercials where you can get in shape in 30 days. It's possible, but yo' ass will have to make the gym your job. As Kanye says "Work it out....Work it out".....for eight hours a damn day!
ReplyDeleteAs for the education issue, I know a girl who refuses to end her college years. She's working on her Ph.D. but hasn't held a real job yet! No matter how much education she acquires, potential employers will not flock to her because she doesn't have any work experience. She once had a job offer, but turned it down. She now has a kid, but STILL refuses to get a job. "I got 5 Bachelor's degrees, 3 Master's and 2 Ph. D's, but my baby ain't got no milk!"
Okay, well I'm done ranting. I was just "keepin it real" by sharing some personal stories. Peace yall.
Great blog to read on this sunny (in Atanta) Friday afternoon. I believe everyone has insecurities, it is just a way of life.
ReplyDelete#1 is very true and I say this because I am a victim of the appreance theory. However I workout to keep my body tight and my mind at peace. The appearance that I have now I still believe I am flyy as hell and can get any brother that walks by. However I would love to look better for myself. It isin't a lot....just my stomach. Not that I have a beer belly --because I don't---I just want a little definition.
#4 is sooooo freakin true--but not for all. Not everyone who joins a greek organization is there to stroll, party hop, and cause mental and emotional damage to the next group of wannabe's. At least not any who pledged while I was being born--- in 1982. Today....almost every member joined because they were losers in high school and saw that college was a new beginning; a new day. Those who pleged while I was in school didn't pledge because they want to do civic duty to the surrounding communities, not because the could help a insecure child at the local YMCA....but to look down on those who weren't accepted at rush. Pledging gave them a sense of worthyness, happiness, joy. And the sad part is that their true friends---who by the way aren't their line sisters or brothers (because they are sleeping with their man or girl)--- are left in the dust. No offense to the greek members that is just how I feel, but I do believe there are a small part who actually pledged to make a difference and not to gain the popularity they didn't have in highschool. To that small few.......you should be applauded.
Okay I got really wordy with this one...but hey I am bored at work....good blog.
Oh....education is always a great thing! I would wear my degree around my neck like Lil Jon wears his chains if I could. Just to show the ignorant non educationed white follk that blacks are not all the same as the see on TV.
I also think Kanye took things too far regarding education.
ReplyDeleteDo you think insecurities are primarily figments of own imaginations or justified (in a twisted sort of way)? I have noticed that I have become more insecure the older I get and the more I accomplish. I also see my insecurities being very closely related to the opposite sex. I NEVER used to trip off of them but now I am.
Please share your thoughts.
Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteWhy do you feel as though you are more insecure by the more you accomplish. Could it be that maybe you've reached certain expectations not knowing if you have what it takes to further succeed? And in what regards do they apply to the opposite sex?
I find myself questioning more. Like...Am I attractive enough?..Is there a genuine interest in me?...Am I sure we understand each other on this?...Do we have the same motives?
ReplyDeleteThis may sound reasonable but I did not think like this previously. I do not ask these questions out loud but mentally I sabotage the relationship before it can become a relationship.
I feel like I am writing an advice column.
As far as the questions that you in the first paragraph, you have to think to yourself do they really matter?? Yes we obviously want to be in a relationship with someone who we think has a genuine interest and concern, however, that is not always the case. And are you willing to risk sabotaging something because of something that might not even be there. In my eyes, if you want to invest in something invest in it, you might now always get out of it what you want but be mindful and know that you put your best foot forward
ReplyDeleteI have some insecurities that have appeared as I have gotten older, and they have replaced the one's that I may have had when I was younger. But I think mine stem from a different place than Anonymous.
ReplyDeleteFor example, I'm exactly where I thought I would be at this point in my life (give or take a few months). If you would have asked Pimp Hand Strong the senior in high school, where do you see yourself at 25, he would have given a description that isn't far from where I am (or am on my way to now). Strangely, there are some insecurities coming along with this, along with the confidence that my accomplishments have given me. Why? Because I feel like I'm bound to miss the mark eventually, and there is more at stake now. So I'm always asking myself (professionally, emotionally, relationship-wise) "Is what I'm doing good enough?" Pressured to always be as successful as I expect myself to be.
I thank ya'll for replying. i was outta town and i just got back this weekend. this was a topic i really felt i needed to touch. Lemme go further detail about Kanye. I commend the brother for his accomplishments but i do believe he struggles with his own insecurities. with his mother being a college professor, i am sure he has always felt "pressure" to fit a mold. the difference between him and me is that my parents never placed that pressure on me. i naturally had an inclination for academics. if anything I PLACED MORE PRESSURE ON MYSELF THAN ANY OUTSIDE FACTOR. i'm an optimist, idealist, aand perfectionist--LETHAL COMBINATION.
ReplyDeleteKanye was blessed with artistic talents, but i am sure his mother felt he should have pursued more "academic" goals. so maybe his insecurities with education stem from the fact that he never achieved something his mother thought was more futile. I still love the brotha regardless.
GREAT BLOG!!!
ReplyDeletenice blog and I must agree with you, your friend is a very good writing...I digging that style... now as for hiking up tuskeege hill...lmao...I know that pain, and that is one school in need of a damn trolley, hikin in the hot humid sun in not nice but regardless what am I'm talking about, I'm from colorado..all we have are hills and it sucks but its great for fierce legs. ...I agree with the keepin it real...so many people don't and that what I call a poser..funny cause everything he talks about I use to be that way when I was growing up but as I grew up in went through middle and high school a few traumatic events change my outlook on life and that's when I started living instead of tryin to "keep it real" so ....now I'm the realest out here... j/k..but you know...I just do me no gimmacks attached.
ReplyDeletepeace
Great blog! I definately agree with you on many things.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was in college, I never saw any of our Black greeks do anything worthwhile, which is what turned me off from pledging. Rarely did you hear them doing community service or anything to uplift the Black community at the University. Basically they all just slept with each other and had parties. (In which the parties always ended in someone touching someones cane, someone throwing a sign in someones face, someone stepping in front of the line dance...which ALWAYS ended in fights!)
That was the best Therapy session ever, wew I feel good now.
ReplyDeleteSo it's ok for me to be fat, I don't have the social life of Jamie Foxx, but I do ok.
It's ok for me to be a high school dropout, even though I will always regret missing out on campus life. I finally found a decent career as a Mortgage Consultant, and am on the way to make over $150,000 for this year, with not even a Diploma to show for it.
And the penis thing......................uh, let's say I won't be making pornos anytime soon, but maybe that's a good thing!
So many like minded folks in this world. I've had this discussion with many of my friends... particularly about greek-life to fit in and the importance of a degree (or 4).
ReplyDeleteIn both situations... to me there's a combination of your college/university of choice as well as what you do with the networking. For myself... there were two Q's my freshie year and 2 Kappas, by the time I was a senior... no male greek life existed at all. Was it on my class to uphold this tradition? we didn't think so. I've got 5 black male friends who I would call my brother in any situation because we bonded on sports, majors, similar backgrounds... and social behavior. I wouldn't trade those guys for anything and we don't have to pay dues to show our appreciation for each other.
The male greeks on our campus also held a pretty bad reputation for preying on the younger, unsuspecting co-eds... every flock of freshmen girls was just a way for them to rewind their time-table and it was kinda just degrading as a black man to see this pattern repeated. What they do off campus or community-wise... personally I have no clue.
As for degrees... I've seen both ends of the scenario. Some get that bachelors degree and land a job right away or simply create their own opportunities with start-up businesses or manifesting a trade, while others are working on degree number 3 or 4 and have yet to find a job worth while with a sufficient starting salary. I think in today's age it's a combination of the luck of the draw and being able to seize the opportunities that are presented to you... I stress the importance of showing up to every potential interview on time and prepared to all of my job-seeking friends because you definitely don't want to miss that opportunity because the alarm clock was set to PM instead of AM and spend the next 10 years wondering 'what if'. I'm not against anyone spending that extra time in their parent's basement.. false flagging and flashy living with money is the number one cause of what I like to call broke-by-the-11th syndrome where that 2 week paycheck doesn't quite last long enuf to sustain you until the next one.
as for the body image... i like to think 11 years of football did me good :)
great blog
Yeah, Gregg is on point. Great blog!
ReplyDeleteI AGREE WITH EVERY SINGLE THING YOU JUST SAID...
AND WITH THAT, YOU BE SURE TO HIT ME UP WHEN YOU GET THAT DEGREE AND ARE READY FOR SHARONDA...LOL
Nah, farreal, thanks--I have totally been feeling that way for a LONG time, I now I know I'm not alone! :o)
Nice blog. Anyone who says they don't have any insecurities about themselves is psychologically askew somehow or lying. Ever meet anyone who is just so cocky they are so in love with themselves? I have. They are annoying and exasperating.
ReplyDeleteNo one is perfect. And, if one thinks they are, the mere belief that they think they are perfect reveals that they are flawed in their thinking with their delusions of grandeur.
THIS WAS GREAT!!!
ReplyDeleteI find myself harboring those same insecurities..which is why I've been working out 5 days a week to get that body like Ki Toy...
As far as school is concerned...definitely degrees are overrated when you have someone with a degree struggling the same as a person with a GED (myself), however, I do want a degree and eventually I will obtain one....as soon as I get a handle on being a single mother...
At times I'm insecure about that as well, I wonder, "I'm I being a good mom"...
Also, I look at other people's lives and see them better off than myself and that has a way at eating away at your security...
However, the first post I ever read from you helped me with that insecurtiy....
You said, that this is the life "THE CREATOR" made for me, or something to that effect...
I feel you, we all have our own roads to travel and just because someone else is well off doesn't mean they are happy...
Maybe they envy me because I am able to give life and they may be barren...
Everyone has their own list of insecurities, some of which we may look at and say, " Ain't nothing wrong with you"..but you never know a person until you have walked in their shoes....
As far as Kanye...education is very important and valuable, but there are some people who have a degree and are still dumb as a bag of hair...
A degree doesn't make you, but its what you do with that degree...some people don't have degrees and are very successful, but for me, I enjoy learning, so I should have a degree, right?
Besides, for a person who plans on working in "corporate AmeriKKKa" for the rest of their lives a degree will make the difference of $100,000 or not....