Good morning/afternoon/evening (not sure of what time zone you're reading from), speak readers... hope you all had a good weekend. I didn't really do much but it was enjoyable. I watched some movies, played around on my computer and talked to a few people on the phone - nothing major... but while in the process of talking to one of my friends; I kind of got pissed off.
Have you ever had one of those friends who only seem to call when they need something? They seem to think you are the Salvation Army, Wal-Mart and Bank of America all rolled up into one. That's who called me this past weekend.
My hard-luck friend, Beggin' Ass Felicia called me up to chit-chat. Everything was copasetic during the conversation (you know, the general catching up and whatnot) but all of sudden, she up and asked for a loan. She then went into the quintessential "you know I'm good for it, I'm just having a hard time right now" spiel that lasted for about 20 minutes. It's at that point where you want to give them the money for telling you such a great story and/or you're tired of them talking to you.
Anyway, after hearing her drone on and on about her shortcomings, I politely declined to help her out. Normally, I would have but I just didn't have it to give. Most people would have stopped right there - but not ol' Beggin' Ass Felicia! She told me that I was doing well and I should be able to afford to let her "hold something". Oh, I got something for you to hold all right!
Needless to say, that conversation didn't end on the most positive of notes but it got me to thinking. Was I that dependable that ol' Beggin' Ass Felicia felt like she had to come to me all the time for favors? Nah. I realized that she is a grown-ass woman - sometimes you gotta let people fend for themselves. There are plenty of Beggin' Ass Felicias out there - they just come in different forms. It's my job to point them out so that you can run quickly away from them with your pockets intact.
1) The Sibling/Cousin/Family Member.These are the hardest people to say no to (particularly because you can't avoid them - they're family). When begging, they are quick to bring that particular fact up.
THEM: I'm broke. Let me use 50 bucks 'til payday.
YOU: I can't spare it.
THEM: C'mon, [insert foolish childhood nickname]. We family...
YOU: Well, OK then... here ya go.
2) The Good "Always Broke" Friend.They are good friends but they always seem to be broke whenever you go out. They always want to go to the most expensive places - you know with the $20 cover and two-drink minimum.
WAITER: And how would you like to pay for this today, sir?
THEM (looking incredulous at you): Uhhh, I left my wallet in the car. Can you get me, homie?
YOU (thinking to self): Well, go get it then... the car is parked, it's not going anywhere...
YOU (real answer): I'll take care of you.
THEM: SUCKER!
3) The Hard Luck Story/After School Special.Generally, this person tells you about something horrific that has happened to them, like losing their job at the local shake joint or about not having enough money to pay their phone bill (but they always have on the newest outfit and have the newest accessory - ironic, ain't it?)
THEM: You know that the Man is still holding me down. I woulda got that job but they are using the reverse affirmative action now. I can't catch a break and I don't even enough money to get home.
YOU (thinking): Maybe it was the cloud of weed smoke that followed you out of the car - could be just me.
YOU (real answer): Sorry to hear that - maybe next time...
THEM: If I had like 20 bucks, I could get that cleansing tea and I could pass that drug test... but I'm broke...
YOU (thinking): Or you could just stop smoking...please don't ask me for any money, though.YOU (real answer): I feel you, homie.
THEM: Think I can get that from you? I'll pay you back whenever I get that first paycheck.
YOU (thinking): Sure...
YOU (real answer): I got you.
With all that being said, I urge you to read the signs. If such and such has not called you since the last time they borrowed - pretend to have a bad signal and hang up. If they call back, pretend to be a Domino's Pizza.
Just say no!
In the meantime, can I borrow a dollar?
Have you ever had one of those friends who only seem to call when they need something? They seem to think you are the Salvation Army, Wal-Mart and Bank of America all rolled up into one. That's who called me this past weekend.
My hard-luck friend, Beggin' Ass Felicia called me up to chit-chat. Everything was copasetic during the conversation (you know, the general catching up and whatnot) but all of sudden, she up and asked for a loan. She then went into the quintessential "you know I'm good for it, I'm just having a hard time right now" spiel that lasted for about 20 minutes. It's at that point where you want to give them the money for telling you such a great story and/or you're tired of them talking to you.
Anyway, after hearing her drone on and on about her shortcomings, I politely declined to help her out. Normally, I would have but I just didn't have it to give. Most people would have stopped right there - but not ol' Beggin' Ass Felicia! She told me that I was doing well and I should be able to afford to let her "hold something". Oh, I got something for you to hold all right!
Needless to say, that conversation didn't end on the most positive of notes but it got me to thinking. Was I that dependable that ol' Beggin' Ass Felicia felt like she had to come to me all the time for favors? Nah. I realized that she is a grown-ass woman - sometimes you gotta let people fend for themselves. There are plenty of Beggin' Ass Felicias out there - they just come in different forms. It's my job to point them out so that you can run quickly away from them with your pockets intact.
1) The Sibling/Cousin/Family Member.These are the hardest people to say no to (particularly because you can't avoid them - they're family). When begging, they are quick to bring that particular fact up.
THEM: I'm broke. Let me use 50 bucks 'til payday.
YOU: I can't spare it.
THEM: C'mon, [insert foolish childhood nickname]. We family...
YOU: Well, OK then... here ya go.
2) The Good "Always Broke" Friend.They are good friends but they always seem to be broke whenever you go out. They always want to go to the most expensive places - you know with the $20 cover and two-drink minimum.
WAITER: And how would you like to pay for this today, sir?
THEM (looking incredulous at you): Uhhh, I left my wallet in the car. Can you get me, homie?
YOU (thinking to self): Well, go get it then... the car is parked, it's not going anywhere...
YOU (real answer): I'll take care of you.
THEM: SUCKER!
3) The Hard Luck Story/After School Special.Generally, this person tells you about something horrific that has happened to them, like losing their job at the local shake joint or about not having enough money to pay their phone bill (but they always have on the newest outfit and have the newest accessory - ironic, ain't it?)
THEM: You know that the Man is still holding me down. I woulda got that job but they are using the reverse affirmative action now. I can't catch a break and I don't even enough money to get home.
YOU (thinking): Maybe it was the cloud of weed smoke that followed you out of the car - could be just me.
YOU (real answer): Sorry to hear that - maybe next time...
THEM: If I had like 20 bucks, I could get that cleansing tea and I could pass that drug test... but I'm broke...
YOU (thinking): Or you could just stop smoking...please don't ask me for any money, though.YOU (real answer): I feel you, homie.
THEM: Think I can get that from you? I'll pay you back whenever I get that first paycheck.
YOU (thinking): Sure...
YOU (real answer): I got you.
With all that being said, I urge you to read the signs. If such and such has not called you since the last time they borrowed - pretend to have a bad signal and hang up. If they call back, pretend to be a Domino's Pizza.
Just say no!
In the meantime, can I borrow a dollar?
i have a brother like that. he pays me back though.
ReplyDeleteand in the old neighborhood, we had this crackhead dude. still owes me money from an outing. i dont like people who dont help themselves. shiieeeet, if i can do it, so can you.
chuch.
Lol. Me, I have no problem saying - HELL no. But, I also don't have a problem giving help when I know help is warranted. But, repeat offenders are out...
ReplyDeleteLet it out, girl, let it out... and get that money back too - no use in you being bitter and broke....
ReplyDeleteYeah that new outfit person could test the patience of a saint!
ReplyDeleteThem: Girl look at my new dress, isn't it nice?
Me: Yeah, I like it...
Them: I got it on sale at Wherever's
Me: Wish I could say...Well do you think you could go back down there and ask somebody if they saw my money you owe me?
I mean I really don't understand the gall of a person who can do this!
I'm sorry I think I'm starting to lose my cool...lemme go ta sleep!
I'll ask for forgiveness...I think I'm still harboring some residual bitterness.
G'night King!
i dont like people who dont help themselves. shiieeeet, if i can do it, so can you.
ReplyDeleteNo truer words have ever been spoken...
Got this one friend like that. Always askin for sumthin'. THe straw that broke the camels back? We went out to eat on enight and dhe put her HANDS IN MY FOOD! That a no go homie!I'm gonna start callin her beggin ass Felicia
ReplyDeleteI like that - I'll even try it... HELL NUH...UH.. I just can't do it yet - I'm not ready...
ReplyDeleteI woulda been like - you didn't put in on this, man!
ReplyDeleteMan I wanted 2 write a blog about this but the person I would be talkn about always reads my blog. This girl comes out with & we get to the door & she will be like, "I dont have any money." I mean, there are times when we go out & thru friends I can secure us a good time without having to spend a dime. But daymn, dont let me pay to park, get in line & get to the door & say "I AINT GOT IT." Like Ima be like fuck it, here ya go. And this bytch NEVER wants to drive. We waste'n my gas, drink'n my private stash of 151 or 190 in the car, Im payn to park AND you want me to pay you way in. AARGH
ReplyDeleteThank you for letting me VENT!!!
You have to lay down the law. I know BAF and I can guarantee you that when she calls me, it strictly for a chit chat. She tried to pull some stunts on me but I laid the groundwork. Let'em know how the relationship WILL work.
ReplyDeleteI would have beeped my car and let them know I would see them on the way out... this party is for paying customers only!
ReplyDeleteWho do you know having block parties? Can I come? I bet they got some real good BBQ!
ReplyDeleteNot saying that I would never need help from someone, but I never borrow money. I always find a way to make due, so I can't understand how certain grown folk always falling on hard times. Like, no I can not let you borrow money to pay your gas bill, when you having block parties and hiring dj's. No...absolutely not. I know so many Felicia's it ain't even funny.
ReplyDeleteI never borrow money either. No matter how much i need help I would rather struggle on my own than ask for help. Its a bad trait that i have but I can't help it. I don't know how all these people can wear $300 shoes and have the nerve to borrow money from someone.lollllllllllll. them I have no problem saying no to.
ReplyDeleteI hate borrowing too... because I hate the feeling that I owe someone...
ReplyDeleteI hate borrowing money. HATE IT. It makes me feel weak and uncapable, especially because im 25 and should be able to take care of myself.
ReplyDeleteThere have been the rare occasions where bills were kinda high, the account was really low, and a friend or family member offered to buy dinner or lend a cash advance. But I paid them back the DAY I got paid or the next time that I saw the person.
Unfortunately, many don't do that. And/or they ask you too much. Or you know that they should have money, but because they went to the latest TJ Maxx sale, they a'int got it.
I have a family member who is in her 40's and asks me for 20 dollars on a monthly basis. She has a full-time job, and she's married, with a husband and a son who also have jobs.
Why are you asking me for 20 bucks?? Sorry, i don't have it. The Chase is right down the street! Why don't you ask your husband or your son? Why don't you stop buying stuff when you know you can't afford it? I don't care if it was 50% off or if it was cute!
It's different if a close friend or family member who rarely (if ever) asks for a small loan just til Tuesday, because they're low on funds or have hard times. But someone who asks all the time begs the question: What are they doing with they're money?
It just showcases a level of financial irresponsibility on their part which can only be corrected through experience. Let them experience it. Save your cheese.
Jorge,
ReplyDeleteu know we all can relate. i dislike it when your 'friends' try to call you out on the 'friendship card' even if you do step up and say NO. i ain't saying any names...it just hurts cuz a brother is struggling himself. but being the Christian gentleman i am, i sincerely want to help my peeps.
and you know what's funny...i rather have someone borrow one lump sum from me than constantly asking for $20. THAT SHIT ADD UP!
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ReplyDelete