The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
He who laughs last; thinks slowest.
A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Seen it all, done it all - can’t remember most of it.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't...
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
You can't have everything! Where would you put it?
The latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world population.
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture.
A FINE is a tax for doing wrong. A TAX is a fine for doing well.
Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
He who laughs last; thinks slowest.
A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Seen it all, done it all - can’t remember most of it.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't...
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
You can't have everything! Where would you put it?
The latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world population.
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture.
A FINE is a tax for doing wrong. A TAX is a fine for doing well.
Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
I just read this one, its hilarious!! your genius is unmatched :)
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