Before I get started, I’d like to thank everyone who stops by to read these blogs. Because of you (and lots of boredom during my day), I continue to pump out these things. I welcome (and encourage) you to leave feedback about whatever catches your eye. Realize that freedom of speech is alive and well in all of us – speak: the phenomenon wouldn’t exist without it. Enough about that, let’s get into the rant.
The other day, I was stressed about work and other miscellaneous inconsequential things so I decided to go out to unwind. I called up my good friend, Georgia Peach to commiserate about my ordeals. GP told me I needed to chill and do something non-stressful. I perused the Internet to see what those non-stressful options might be:
Drinking? Nah, I’m not trying to make a habit of doing that.
Going on Myspace? Tried and true favorite, but I do it too often nowadays.
Watching television? Nothing is on that excites me (except for Flavor of Love).
What about a movie? Hmmm, I haven’t done that in a while – that seems like a good idea.
Yep, I was headed to the movies… but I had to first map out a plan of action. I had to take advantage of the situation (i.e. the ghetto all-day movie “pass”) – because I don’t really go to the movies all that often. GP told me to see something entitled Something New. I was indifferent (I guess I just wanted to break the monotony of the work week and probably did need something new) so I decided that it would be the first movie viewed that day. I then had to decide where I would go to see this flick. There are 15 theaters in the Nashville area (but there are certain ones you have to go to be able to actually hear the movie). Come to find out, there are only 2 theaters showing this movie (both have predominantly African-American consumers).
My first feeling was confusion. Why is this movie only at two theaters? The movie came out two weeks ago. Shouldn’t there be more available showings?
My second feeling was denial. Maybe it’s because it hasn’t been a lot of support for this film. Perhaps no one really knows about it. Yeah, that’s it. Then I realized the reason I knew about the movie was because I saw a special, hyping the making of the movie… you have to know what I was feeling next…
ANGER. Pure, unadulterated fury. I can’t believe that they are not showing this movie here. It’s because it’s about an interracial couple falling in love. I just don’t understand it… the theaters can show movies with gratuitous violence and nudity, not to mention, a friggin love story about gay cowboys… but not Jungle Fever: the 2006 version. That’s just wrong! Sorry about that, everyone --- I was really feeling emotional… I was ready to boycott every theater that wasn’t showing the film… but then I came to my senses and realized I was still a Black man in the South… tragedy avoided.
After almost having an aneurysm, I calmed down and began my trek to the theater. I decided against seeing Something New (didn’t need my blood pressure elevating again). Upon arrival at the theater, I picked out a new movie, Madea’s Family Reunion. After the day I was having, I needed a good chuckle. While walking up to the counter, I noticed that the tickets were $8.25 (What?!!! When did tickets get so friggin expensive?!! That’s almost 4 gallons of gas!!!). I figured because I was already there, I might as well buy the damned ticket (mind you, I wasn’t happy about giving up that chunk of change at all).
As I give my ticket to the pimply-faced pre-teen who was guarding the entrance, I hear probably the loudest scream humanly possible, emitting from a toddler, who has decided he wants Twizzlers (and he is not taking no for an answer). Where is this child’s parent with the belt and why are they not tearing that tail up? When I was little, I’d have a hand on the back of my head so fast – if I even thought about doing something like that… it’s cool, though… just as long as the little rugrat doesn’t come in the same movie with me…
Like most stories, you can probably guess what happened next… that’s right… the little bastard and all 6 of his siblings came into the same show I did. Sonuvabitch!!! Calm down, Ice Cold, calm down… I sat down and tried to force myself into not running up and beating the brakes off of all of those kids. I was so proud – I got through half of the movie, without wishing any bodily harm to any of them… but then it happened.
RIIIIIIIIINNNGGGGG!!!
The other day, I was stressed about work and other miscellaneous inconsequential things so I decided to go out to unwind. I called up my good friend, Georgia Peach to commiserate about my ordeals. GP told me I needed to chill and do something non-stressful. I perused the Internet to see what those non-stressful options might be:
Drinking? Nah, I’m not trying to make a habit of doing that.
Going on Myspace? Tried and true favorite, but I do it too often nowadays.
Watching television? Nothing is on that excites me (except for Flavor of Love).
What about a movie? Hmmm, I haven’t done that in a while – that seems like a good idea.
Yep, I was headed to the movies… but I had to first map out a plan of action. I had to take advantage of the situation (i.e. the ghetto all-day movie “pass”) – because I don’t really go to the movies all that often. GP told me to see something entitled Something New. I was indifferent (I guess I just wanted to break the monotony of the work week and probably did need something new) so I decided that it would be the first movie viewed that day. I then had to decide where I would go to see this flick. There are 15 theaters in the Nashville area (but there are certain ones you have to go to be able to actually hear the movie). Come to find out, there are only 2 theaters showing this movie (both have predominantly African-American consumers).
My first feeling was confusion. Why is this movie only at two theaters? The movie came out two weeks ago. Shouldn’t there be more available showings?
My second feeling was denial. Maybe it’s because it hasn’t been a lot of support for this film. Perhaps no one really knows about it. Yeah, that’s it. Then I realized the reason I knew about the movie was because I saw a special, hyping the making of the movie… you have to know what I was feeling next…
ANGER. Pure, unadulterated fury. I can’t believe that they are not showing this movie here. It’s because it’s about an interracial couple falling in love. I just don’t understand it… the theaters can show movies with gratuitous violence and nudity, not to mention, a friggin love story about gay cowboys… but not Jungle Fever: the 2006 version. That’s just wrong! Sorry about that, everyone --- I was really feeling emotional… I was ready to boycott every theater that wasn’t showing the film… but then I came to my senses and realized I was still a Black man in the South… tragedy avoided.
After almost having an aneurysm, I calmed down and began my trek to the theater. I decided against seeing Something New (didn’t need my blood pressure elevating again). Upon arrival at the theater, I picked out a new movie, Madea’s Family Reunion. After the day I was having, I needed a good chuckle. While walking up to the counter, I noticed that the tickets were $8.25 (What?!!! When did tickets get so friggin expensive?!! That’s almost 4 gallons of gas!!!). I figured because I was already there, I might as well buy the damned ticket (mind you, I wasn’t happy about giving up that chunk of change at all).
As I give my ticket to the pimply-faced pre-teen who was guarding the entrance, I hear probably the loudest scream humanly possible, emitting from a toddler, who has decided he wants Twizzlers (and he is not taking no for an answer). Where is this child’s parent with the belt and why are they not tearing that tail up? When I was little, I’d have a hand on the back of my head so fast – if I even thought about doing something like that… it’s cool, though… just as long as the little rugrat doesn’t come in the same movie with me…
Like most stories, you can probably guess what happened next… that’s right… the little bastard and all 6 of his siblings came into the same show I did. Sonuvabitch!!! Calm down, Ice Cold, calm down… I sat down and tried to force myself into not running up and beating the brakes off of all of those kids. I was so proud – I got through half of the movie, without wishing any bodily harm to any of them… but then it happened.
RIIIIIIIIINNNGGGGG!!!
[whispers][laughter]
RIIIIIIIIINNNGGGGG!!!
RIIIIIIIIINNNGGGGG!!!
[louder whispers][more laughter]
RIIIIIIIIINNNGGGGG!!!
RIIIIIIIIINNNGGGGG!!!
[finally answers with a loud voice]
Gurl, Madea is funny as all get-out, she so stupid… yeah, I’m here with all of dem… naw, we finna go to da mall when it’s over… these folks bet not say nothin’ to me either…
Have you ever gotten so upset that your eyes start to twitch and you feel like you are two seconds away from catching a felony charge? I was right there when she finally hung up. Folks can be so ignant (yes, I said ignant) sometimes. After all that, I couldn’t even enjoy the movie after that. I just picked up my coat, bounded down the stairs and went home… where I proceeded to stare at the wall for the remainder of the evening. I have now decided from now on, movies will not be watched more than 30 feet from my couch… at least, it’ll be quiet and free. That has to be worth something… I guess. Anyway, that’s my time.
I'm out.... see y’all on Tuesday - Jorge.
Boy! You have a lot to say, but it's interesting. I see you have a gift... I hope you're taking some time to start on that book we always talked about...
ReplyDeleteThis story was incredibly funny. You missed a good movie, though, by not seeing Something New... sucks for you!
jorge, i'm going to need you to pop a percoset before you go in public, bruh...
ReplyDeleteyou come across 2 many funny azz situations - but 4 real, i woulda been on those kids like white on rice and the cops on black folk...
i'd definitely would have caught a case taht nite - you a better man than me, my nig...
It's good to know that I'm not the only person that ends of sitting in front of Jonquilisha and the 7 Dorks.
ReplyDeleteOne time, in the middle of the movie, these 4 teenagers had a fight about which of their cellphones was ringing (I guess they all had the same ringtone?) and so they let the phone ring REPEATEDLY for 5 minutes, because none of them wanted to check to see if it was theirs.
Screaming crying-ass kids are bad, people that talk on cell-phones during a movie suck, but chair-kickers are worse. There is nothing more annoying than having some ASS sitting behind you that just can't keep their legs still. Some adults really do need Ritalin.
ReplyDeletePeople that want to either tell the whole movie or ask the person next to them to explain the movie right then and there, in loud ass voices, get on my last nerves. But Pimp Hand mentioned my ultimate pet peeve when at the movies, the relentless need for folks to sit right behind me and kick my seat. It makes me want to scream, then stand up and turn around just to stare at the person for the rest of the movie... but instead I take a couple of deep breaths and attempt to enjoy the rest of the movie.
ReplyDeleteMy people... my people my people! you all are all missing the point. The common thread to all of this theatrical nonsense is BLACK FOLK. now, jorge knows i have 4 siblings and sometimes we can act up... but in public and with that all seeing eye of my parents who will not hesitate to 100-hand slap you in the mouf the moment you act up and embarass them, we were like well trained circus animals.
ReplyDeletei know all of you aren't from chicago but those who are can appreciate this lil tid bit. 87th and the ryan. the greatest thing to happen to a young south side black youth when they opened that movie theater. i will never forget the time i conquered my fear of the foolish blunt smoking, unprotected sex having black society that lived around my sheltered, soon to be educated existance and purchased tickets with my boys to see Belly.
now... here comes the question. is it MY fault for going to that movie? sure. should i have been surprised with the total lack of respect the yutez, yea i said yutez, had in that theater? nope, can't be surprised. should i have guessed that there'd be more weed smoke in that place than a marley's dressing room b4 a concert? which marley you ask? sh*t any of them! no, yes, i should have guessed. needless to say, after DMX's sex scene and that tiger growl... i didn't hear another word of the movie. i didn't even realize method man was in it until i saw it on DVD some years later in the comfort of my white friends' apartment.
i am not ashamed to say... i'm sick and tired of public displays of african-amerignance (PDA) and for that reason i love living in the white part of town and going to the white theaters (where if you chose to see madea trust me you'll have a whooooole row to yourself) and eat at the white establishments where they serve you with a smile (even when they know you aint gonna tip them right) cuz they value their personal appearance.
as for somethin new... i had the opportunity to see it while out with a special lady and we chose somethin else. can't really say what made me do it... it's kinda like i just don't like goin to see movies about lovie dovie stuff i think. i'm excited about a few movies comin out tho: the mos def joint, that hills have eyes crap, somethin else i can't recall and please believe me i'll be in a clean and quiet respectable theater where i'll hear every word and maybe... JUST maybe there will be an uproar of applaud at the end when bruce willis saves the day... again.
I understand your intent in going to a "white" theater. But have no disillusions, white folk act up in theaters too. Bad kids are bad kids if left unattended. No matter the skin color. The difference is that "we" aren't out of control when our parents are around. And people will only conduct themselves as the establishment allows them. The white theater presents certain demeanor to attract its target audience. For example, my home town has 6 theaters, two of which are owned by the same company, one in the white part of town and the other in the not so white part of town. There is a clear difference in how the establishments are run, and there is a clear difference in what movies each theater elects to show. Are the customers to blame?
ReplyDeleteDo you feel that white = better?
Mr. P.H. Strong... I wouldn't go as far to label one theater as 'better' than the other... but as you mentioned, there are certain expectations that you'd have for a predominantly black establishment versus a 'whites only' set up. First expectation... the movies they select to play there. The movie industry is strictly based on the bottom line... cash rules everything around me. It's up to the owners of that theater to decide which 6 or 7 flicks make it each weekend on their lineup to pull in the most cha-ching. If the demographics of the neighborhood don't call for 'Sideways' (which was a hilarious movie in my book) but more of a 'Soul Plane' crowd (still haven't seen it... refuse to unless the girl who brings it over is JUST that fine), then that's what gets played there.
ReplyDeleteAs for the type of movie bringing in a certain type of crowd... I don't believe that one bit. I will give you this, you play a 'black' movie and the 'blacks' will show up... but once they show up, what they do has nothing to do with that movie on the sign out front. The fight that starts in the viewing of 'set it off' has nothing to do with the fact that you got 4 tuff chicks (or 3 chicks and one man in woman's clothing depending on how you view chloe) bein big and bad with guns and stuff... it's got to do with a lack of home training in the folks watchin that movie. if anyone had any sense, they'd know that these 4 actresses left the movie set after wiping down their make up and laying down their toy guns and went to dinner at some 4 or 5 star restaurant where they bring out more silverware than you're actually gonna use cuz that's just how they roll. people don't pick up their cell phone in the middle of the movie because of the movie that's showing... it's just over all rudeness.
i'll never forget first time i went to brooklyn... this woman in the line at KFC was in a verbal battle with another woman (both had pre-teen daughters with them) about who knows what and the quote of the day was 'b*tch keep talkin ya sh*t and see what happens... i aint afraid to end up on the evening news!' so let me tell you this... those daughters listenin to mommy battle it out... over who knows what, probably if extra crispy tastes better than original recipe.
you can't blame the KFC folks for puttin the store in brooklyn... they just want to sell some innocent chicken... greasy as it might be.
Jorge,
ReplyDeleteYou have been putting some good things out. I crack up everytime I read your blogs. You shoulda seen Something New, very great movie.. I bet them bad ass kids wasn't in there. You should have called security on them (this lady did that when I saw Diary of a Mad Black Woman). Ha, buy bootleg they sell those everywhere....
bad ass kids, ignorant as parents... and folks that dont give a damn... are you sure you only talking about the theater, cause i must same i am seeing a recurring theme all over the "hood"...
ReplyDeleteoh and... PHaS... i know what you meant, and El Duermo... i got you too...
we all know that certain movies will draw in certain crowds, and those crowds for whatever reason, (be it they mammas and daddies didnt whup ass often enough, or hell ever, or they just think thats how they should act,) and these crowds will only act a certain way in certain establishments, i think everyone that lives on the south side of chicago can tell a horrific story about seeing a movie at the Chatham ICE (inner-city entertainment, thats where the problem started actually) anyway... but we also know that if we take the time to travel out to Crestwood or Oakbrook we wont have those problems, and I have never went to Crestwood and they didnt have the black movie du jour, even though they think they have a white audience base... people are only going to act an ass cause people let them... Jorge.. you should have taken the chance and told Tequila Alize, that she needed to STUFU... so that you can enjoy the movie you spent 4 gallons of gas to see... if not tell her go get one of the flashlight attendants, they are usually eager to do their jobs, or just start throwing popcorn into her updo, she wouldve figured out she was bothering you and hung up that phone... but you never leave in the middle of the movie unless its Dont Be A Menace to SOuth Central, While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood....
ttyl!!!
My point is this, any establishment (movie theater, restaurant, or zoo) has a protocol for how that establishment is run. A movie theater owner has the responsibility to make sure ALL customers are satisfied with the service of that theater. Yes, people "act-up" during the movie. But that is only because they are ALLOWED to act up at that theater.
ReplyDeleteWhy? Because the owner doesn't give a damn about the atmosphere at that theater as long as its bringing in $$$$. If the black movies only went to the "white theaters", black folk would go to that theater. But people wouldn't "act-up" in that theater (not continuously at least) because that type of behavior won't likely be tolerated. Why? Because the owner cares about the atmosphere in the "white theater".
So what happens? Rather than bringing black movies to the usually newer "white theater", they put the black movies in the black theater...which is usually the old theater. That way, more white customers come to the "white theater" because they THINK they don't have to worry about people talking on celphones etc, because the owner doesn't tolerate it. And they keep the black crowd at the "black theater", where they attract the rowdy black folk who are allowed to run-a-muck because the owner doesn't care, AND they attract us civilized black folk who are forced to go to that theater because the "new white theater" doesn't have the black movies.
Black Theater + White Theater = Rich Movie Theater owner
I don't think it was just the ghetto individuals (by the way, it was the Caucasoid theater) that upset me --- it was the whole experience... once you get mad, everything else snowballs and pisses you off infinitely more...
ReplyDeleteAs for the old Chatham ICE on the 87th and the Ryan - I was a former employee, so I can firsthand attest to the nastiness going on in there... I was introduced to various women's undergarments, used condoms and tampons, chicken bones and forty bottles.... needless to say, I didn't yearn to go to that establishment...
All in all, it was a bad experience but one that I learned from... never go to a movie when kids on are on spring break...
Come on Jorge...
ReplyDeleteno need to tell us lies.
You mean to tell me that in the middle of a harold's 4piece and a tall chilled malt liquor beverage... some loving, most likely unwed and 16 year old couple decided to consummate their relationship in a movie theater and while he did have time to take off her underdraws (and apparently her sanitary pad)... he ALSO had the awareness to take out a condom?
come on now...
if this was that sesame street game... one of these things doesn't belong here... one of these things just isn't the same... i'd have to say the condom.
You should have just went and saw
ReplyDeleteDave Chappelle's Block Party.