all about the hamiltons.

Broke.

Destitute.

Impoverished.

Po’ (yes, I said po’ – so broke can’t even afford the or).

I am all the above… a brotha is hittin’ on hard times. No, I’m not outside begging for spare change or shaking my tail at the Player’s Club, but I am broke. Just to let you know, Jorge’s blogging does not pay the bills. Fortunately, I do have a full-time gig that places bread in my belly and keeps the lights on. Unfortunately, it’s just not enough right now for me to do the things I truly want to do.

In order to combat living in the land of Chektochek (pronounced check-to-check), I perused the want ads and other employment sites for a part-time job. Alas, the places I found were either paying in peanuts and dented cans of Spam or they actually required me to work… come on, folks, this is a part-time job…who works at those?!!!

Shaken but not deterred, I decided to pull some of the meager funds I had left in my account for the month and headed out to go grocery shopping. I gave myself thirty dollars to work to buy enough groceries to last for the next two weeks. I know you’re probably thinking: where can you buy groceries for a measly $30 bucks? Aldi’s, of course!

For those of you out there that don’t know about Aldi’s, it is the only grocery store where you can buy food to feed 20 people at a barbeque for less than $15. I went in, ready to shop to my heart’s desire – happily trolling around with my cart… when I realized… they charge at Aldi’s for the carts! What do they think – some random bag lady will steal a cart for her cans? As a matter of fact, these fools charge for bags, too! It’s about a dime for a bag… this stuff is really starting to add up!

After grabbing my box o’ cheap goodies, I realized that I forgot to pick some things but it was too late so I headed to the melting pot of the South, Wal-Mart.

It is guaranteed that you will see at least one representative of every nationality in the world in an aisle at Wal-Mart. It is also considered to be a meeting ground of all broke people nationwide… it’s OK if you didn’t know; it’s the reason why I’m here to educate you.

Already tiring from seeing all of the Rollback Savings, I took my few items to the checkout lane so I could get the hell out of the United Nations of Poverty and head home to my humble abode. [A word of advice: never go to a grocery store the night before a major holiday – take my word for it.] Apparently, everyone else in Wally World didn’t get the memo that I was ready to go; as the lines were literally wrapped around the store.

Sonuvabitch!!!

So here I am… pondering my broke state and this family of four pulls up behind me in line.

Bump.
What the hell? One of the kids has decided to start playing dodgeball with my cart… and apparently my cart didn’t get the memo. I’m good, though – his parents will stop him from this nonsense.

BUMP.
He’s still doing it! I turn and glare at his parents, who are involved in a highly interesting conversation… in some language I have never heard my life (it was like a series of coughs, belches and yodels).

BUMP.
At this point, I am about to wring this little bastard’s neck… but then I see it’s not him. Apparently, the father has grown restless in line and decided to rest his laurels --- on MY CART! Doesn’t he know that while in my possession, the cart is an extension of me! Back up and give me my space, buddy!

After pulling my cart away as hard as I could, I see the light and the end of the tunnel. There is only one person ahead of me in line. Hooray, the end is near! However, this person got greedy with all of the Rollback Savings and picked up more items then they could afford… and decided to go through each item to determine whether or not it was worthy to make the trip home with them. After twenty minutes, I discovered none were worthy enough – the card got declined!

Being broke and poor isn’t something I’m trying to get used to… I guess I could marry into money... but she might want a pre-nup... so can somebody give me a winning Powerball ticket?

I’d appreciate it… until then, I’ll be eating my filling meal of Ramen Noodles and Tang. See y’all Thursday!

- Jorge